The Darkness Has Passed

I feel I can breathe again. A weight has been lifted. A lot of people have been worried about me, and for good reason. For those of you praying for me, please don't stop; I need those prayers. Be encouraged that I am doing much better, though I still have far to go. Every journey begins with a single step, right? Well, that first step for me out of the darkness, was to pray. Admissions and confessions long overdue; I simply couldn't continue on the path that I was on any longer. I was exhausted and drained in every way. I needed help. So, I reached out to the most powerful source there is; and He answered and provided immediate relief. The aches and pains and burdens are gone. My pride is extinguished and I am trying to re-focus. I've stopped demanding perfection of myself, because I can never achieve it. I'm learning to ask for help and accept that it's okay that I ask and it doesn't mean I'm being a burden for asking. I've decided to stop pretending that things are okay when they're not. I want to be real. I want to push myself to be better. I know I can do it. So, in the light of the holidays, I want to savor the moments. Cheers to a New Year. Cheers to not allowing the mistakes I've made to define who I am and what I can become. Cheers to new beginnings and challenges for growth and maturity. Merry Christmas, Everyone!

Conflict with Prayer

I have continuously struggled with this area in my relationship with God. I think I tend to go through the motions and say what sounds good, but not really open up my heart. I tend to put God in a box, forgetting His incredible power and omniscience. I limit His capabilities, what He is able to do. All the stresses in my life I take on myself, not trusting in Him to handle it. "I'll do it myself, my own way." It never works by the way. I am not strong enough to bear these things and I have no idea how to make it better. Even though I try to find the answers myself, I know deep down that the answers lie with God. I am thankful for the Holy Spirit that continues to whisper in my ear to go to God. I do ignore that voice, but I hear it. But, thick-headed as I am, continue to try over and over to find my own way.
Then I ask for forgiveness and bring it to the Lord and find relief quite quickly. It lasts for a few days and then the vicious cycle begins all over again.
Why do I continue to push Him away when I know He is the best thing for me and will provide the things that I need?Another thing about prayer...."I don't feel like praying, I don't want to". "I don't know what to say."

 I read this the other day in my devotional.....
"Day by Day" by Charles Swindoll

"Tell God all that is in your heart, as one unloads one's heart, its pleasures and its pain, to a dear friend. Tell Him your troubles, that He may comfort you; tell Him your joys, that He may sober them; tell Him your longings, that He may purify them; tell Him your dislikes, that He may help you to conquer them; talk to Him of your temptations, that He may shield you from them; show Him the wounds of your heart, that He may heal them; lay bare your indifference to good, your depraved tastes for evil, your instability. Tell Him how self-love makes you unjust to others, how vanity tempts you to be insincere, how pride disguises you to yourself and others. If you thus pour out all your weaknesses, needs, troubles, there will be no lack of what to say. You will never exhaust the subject. It is continually being renewed. People who have no secrets from each other never want for subject of conversation. They do not weigh their words, for there is nothing to be held back; neither do they seek for something to say. They talk out of the abundance of the heart, without consideration they say just what they think."