First thing first...all Becca's tests came back negative. They checked for kidney and thyroid problems as well as ruling out Celiac's disease to eliminate any of these as factors to her lack of gaining weight. So, that was a huge relief to be told nothing was seriously wrong with her. I am doing my part in what I can to help feed her the right things to help her gain weight. I've been doing research as well as seeking advice from friends and family. A few suggestions that are working....she has pediasure every night before bed; she has two daily vitamins every morning with her breakfast; I've been sneaking in baby food fruits and vegetable purees into her pancakes, pasta sauces, muffins, etc. and I try to put peanut butter on as much stuff as I can ;) It has been very stressful for me because I am concerned for her health and nobody seems to think it's a very big deal. I happen to think it's a very big deal. But, it's true I can be over-dramatic and for some reason everything in life is made out to be this huge ordeal for me. I wish some things could be simpler, although I don't know why I complicate everything.
Anyway, moving on....Wednesday was Becca's first day of daycare. We toured three different daycare facilities and decided on the one we felt the most comfortable with. So, Eric came with me for the first day. We were all nervous, although I don't think Becca realized what was happening. We had been there a few times already so she knew some people and the center fairly well. Still, she's never been away from people that she knows before so it is a huge adjustment for her. She did cry for a few minutes after we left and then she was okay. I told Eric I needed a lot of distractions while she was there. So, he gave me the ultimate distraction...He gave me money to go shopping for new clothes! The perfect remedy! We picked her up a few hours later and got a full report from her teacher. She pretty much kept to herself most of the day, cried a few times off and on, but she had a lot of fun outside on the playground. When she saw us she ran to me in tears hugging me so tight and that's when my emotions started to swell. I held it together all morning with a knot in my stomach for the time that I was dwelling on it. Trusting the most important part of my life with a stranger that I barely know is not an easy thing at all. And when I pick her up and the sound and sight of my little girl in tears of sadness just makes my heart ache. I cried the way home. I need to continue to remind myself over and over that this is best for her. And I know it is. She just needs some time to adjust to this new change in her life. I don't like change. I usually don't take to it well. My instinct as a mother is to sweep her up and tell her she never has to go again and it will be just me and her and daddy. But that's putting my wants ahead of hers. I guess I just didn't expect my first experience of letting her go to be this early. She's only two years old. Still a little baby in my eyes in a lot of ways. I just want her to be healthy and happy. I don't want to fail her by not exposing her to opportunities or putting her in the wrong environment. I also don't want to cripple her by doing everything for her where she depends on me for everything and can't do anything for herself.