Hello dear bloggers,
How have you all been? It's been a long time and I've missed reading your thought-provoking stories and encouraging words in your blogs. Thank you to any of you still willing to follow me after such a long silence. I'm here to give you a message....I'm coming back to blogging, I'm also here to tell you why the absence. So, here goes...
Those of you who used to read my blog regularly, and I know who you are, know that I've struggled for a while with the trials of being a stay at home mother to a toddler as well as feeling very run down. After much time, I decided to get some help, because whatever I was doing just wasn't cutting it. This was a difficult decision for me. But at that point, I had reached rock bottom and I had zero to lose. I decided to see a counselor. It was very helpful and felt comfortable right away, oddly very comfortable pouring out my problems...probably because I have a habit of keeping them bottled up. It was very helpful to me. He told me to get evaluated by a physician, so I did. I was told I had postpartum depression as well as a very high anxiety disorder. That explains a lot. So, I began taking medication and seeing my counselor once a week and my doctor once a month as well. I am doing better these days but it is a slow process. It was a gradual fall, so it must take a gradual climb to heal the bruises and scars. I'm glad I did it and I feel I have a message to share with so many out there who feel lost like I did. Who hate what they see in the mirror and wonder what point there is to keep on going. It was a scary time. But I have hope. Hope in my future. I've learned much about my life and who I really am. Not the me I pretended to be but what I really want and what's really important. I thought I knew myself but I really didn't. That's where the counseling really helped. Not sure why counseling gets such a bad rap. It's quite educational.
My relationship with God is distant at the moment, but my faith is not gone. I know He is still there as always and He hears me when I call to Him. What saved me from going further down that road? I don't know. I still don't. I did pray over and over...so maybe God delivered me from my pain. I say God is the answer when you don't see an answer.
Anyway, moving on....we are moving to California and I can't wait to go! To leave this place filled with bad memories can't come soon enough. But I've really missed blogging and journaling my thoughts and reading about yours too. So the crazy fun of the holiday is coming soon and once things settle down I will be returning to blogging after the new year.
I have hope in my future and I can't wait to see what's in store for me. Just because I am imperfect and have countless flaws, doesn't mean my life isn't important, which I once thought was so. I've decided to embrace life. To watch my daughter grow up and grow old with my husband. To share with people my story and find the voice within myself.
I have small accomplishment to share. I finished school and got a diploma in medical transcription after two years. I did it all on my own and passed with a 92 average. I also have decided to pursue my dream of being a writer. It is my passion and I hope I can believe in myself enough to realize that there is much power through words and writing. I choose to use that power for good and share my message through my journey I've been on.
I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season! You'll be hearing from me soon!