Monday, May 31, 2010

Memorial Day

I questioned whether or not I was going to write a post about Memorial Day. I thought about posting a nice poem, so I typed in "Memorial Day poems" into Google (I Google everything). After reading 20 different poems  and coming across many pictures like this one above, my heart felt very heavy. 
It may be hard for you to believe, but even I, a military wife, have taken this day for granted. Memorial Day rolls around and I think to myself....Hooray! Eric gets the day off! What plans can we make, who can we see?, what should I make to eat? Harmless thoughts of course, except that's all I think about.....forgetting the reason behind this special day. I drive down the road and see people opening their pools, grills out for BBQ, people in patriotic clothing. Is it me or does this have the same appearance of the 4th of July? Maybe it looks that way on the outside, but Memorial Day takes on a completely different meaning. It is not a day of celebration like Independence Day, it is a day of respect and honor for all of our military men and women who's lives were sacrificed for our freedoms. This also includes their families who they left behind. Let's not let their deaths be in vain, but be thankful for the freedoms we have that they so bravely fought to protect. We owe our lives to them. Let's not take that for granted, but remember them in honor and respect. 
Thank you to all of our service members out there who are living sacrifices. Thank you to all their families who are the support team behind them. Thank you for protecting my freedoms so I can have the life I choose to live. Thank you for fighting for my life, even though I am a stranger to you. Thank you for choosing what you know is right, even knowing that the possible end result is death. I have the utmost respect and admiration and gratitude for you all.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

NY Trip - Baby Shower & Lilac Festival

I'm back! It's always a treat to go back "home" to NY and spend time with family and friends, but it's also great to come back home, to the familiar routine. I get frustrated because it's the same thing every day, no change. Then when I go back to NY every day is filled with events and being surrounded by people. So, it's nice to come back to our peaceful life in Virginia.....the familiar quiet and being able to control my day the way I want it. Sometimes you have to step out of your daily surroundings to appreciate it more.

We were in New York for almost a week and it definitely felt like a vacation. Not the peaceful one though. It was a lot of fun but also hectic. I've only attended showers and have been the guest of honor for my own; I've never been behind the scenes in helping plan one. I helped my MIL (mother-in-law) with lots of ideas and decorated her house for the shower. It was so much fun! I loved being in charge! I also helped make the favors and the layout of the party and where things should go. The shower was on Saturday and it went great! It was actually supposed to rain but it never did. Thank goodness! It was held outside and the weather was sunny and hot! We had BBQ style food....very laid back and homey.....corn on the cob, beef ribs and salt potatoes. Jason, my BIL (brother-in-law) and Carolyn, my SIL (sister in law) got some wonderful gifts. There were about 35 people who came and 40 were invited, so it was a great turnout!

          Me and Carolyn at her Baby Shower

Our family at the Baby Shower -from left to right--Renee (my mom), Eric (my husband), me, Becca (my daughter), Jason (my BIL), Carolyn (my SIL), Kim (my MIL), Chris (my FIL) and Cathy (Carolyn's mom)

We went to the Lilac Festival the next day. It was a lot of fun. I used to go every year when I was younger. It is a big deal for Rochester, it is famous for its Lilac Festival. It's been cold there lately and most of the flowers weren't in bloom which was unfortunate. Of course, we did go on the last day so maybe they were nicer in the beginning of the week-long festival. It brought back memories though. :) We walked through the park and enjoyed the few lilacs that were in bloom. They are just beautiful and give off such a wonderful smell. Then we walked through the vendors....rows and rows of original paintings, jewelry, signs, artwork, they do caricatures, there are sculptures...there is always so much to see and do there. It was very hot that day as well, but I'm glad I had the opportunity to go.

          Me and Becca at the Lilac Festival

Every time we go back to Rochester we like to stop at our favorite eateries. Dibella's for the best subs and sandwiches! Shaeller's for the best hamburgers! We also went to the Erie Canal which runs through the town. We took Becca to feed the ducks and she loved it! It's also great to take walks...people ride bikes and rollerblade and walk their dogs. There are boat rides and you can get ice cream. I spent a lot of time there growing up.

    Becca and my mom (Nana) feeding the ducks at the canal

While we were in town I was able to visit with some of my side of the family. Two of my aunts and two of my cousins came over as well as Shannon, who is like my little sister. My mom used to do daycare in her house and she watched Shannon since she was 4 years old and now she's 18, so she's part of our family. It was great to catch up with them. It's hard living so far away from all the people you love, and then when you finally see each other after months apart, that connection instantly resurfaces. I'm appreciative and thankful that they made the time to see us while we were there.

         My brother Joey, my mom, and me

       Family-from left to right---cousin Meg, me, my mom, Shannon, and cousin Jenna

Monday, May 17, 2010

Packing for our Trip

Our family is leaving Thursday for a trip "home" to New York. It is where both Eric and I are from and grew up. Most of our family and friends still live there, so it's a great escape to go back and reconnect :) Eric's brother and his wife are expecting their first child this summer and we are eager with anticipation to meet our little niece or nephew. They have decided to wait until the baby's birth to find out the sex, so that adds another element of excitement to it all. We are headed to New York because their baby shower is being held at my mother and father-in-law's house on Saturday. The shower is a co-ed shower. I've never been to one before, so it should be interesting :) We are hoping for good weather that day so we can have the shower outside, but you never know with Rochester weather. There's no place more unpredictable in my mind. I'm really looking forward to it and seeing everyone and being together with people I love and care about :) Carolyn, my sister-in-law, just means so much to me and she is so sweet. I always wondered what it would be like to have a sister growing up, and she is just the best sister I could ever hope for. I am so happy for her and her husband, they are going to be wonderful parents. I'm also really happy that Becca will have a little cousin that is close in age to grow up with. I've always been close with my cousins and I wished for Becca to have the same thing.
Eric and I know how much stuff a baby requires and it definitely puts a damper on your wallet. To help them out, we are loaning them a bunch of our baby stuff for them to use. We don't use them anymore so at least someone else can get some good use for it, while also saving them some money as well, or at least some extra room on their baby registry. Some of these things are....a baby jumperoo, baby bouncer, baby bjorn carrier, and a breast pump. I also threw in a few extra things because I want to help them any way I can. I only wish I could do more, but I couldn't possibly afford everything I would want to get for them. I think baby shopping is the most fun type of shopping there is!
Anyway, I had put all of Becca's newborn and infant stuff away in the back of the downstairs closet, so today I had to take everything out to get back there and sort through bins and bags. I sat there, lost in the moment, as I continued to look through all of her tiny belongings. Little booties....bonnets.....bottles.....rattles. It took me back to that place in time that seems so long ago, yet I can remember it like it was yesterday. I picked up a tiny bottle and thought back to when I cradled her in my arms and rocked her to sleep in the rocker we have in her bedroom. I would just watch her sleep and smell her "baby smell" wafting from her head for long after she fell asleep. She was just angelic. I miss those times. She was so tiny and delicate and fragile. She still is and always will be my treasured jewel, but there is something so innocent and magical about a newborn infant baby. Ahh, memories.
Well, there's not a whole lot of time to reflect on these memories right now, there is much to do. I need to finish the laundry so all the clothes are clean and ready to be packed. I have a list of things to do before we leave. I have to clean the house because I hate coming home from a trip to a mess. Yet, even though I sound organized, I always manage to forget something every time I take a trip.
We are leaving Thursday after Eric gets out of work, so everything needs to be packed Wednesday night. I have to start packing days in advance because I approach things very slowly. I over analyze everything. Plus, I pack three extra sets of clothes in case I don't feel like wearing the ones I already picked out. Then of course if the weather changes, then you have to start all over again. So, that's about all for now about that. Becca will be waking up from her nap in about an hour and then I have to feed her and then get ready to take Max to the vet to get his latest vaccine. Bye for now. :)

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Thank You Bloggers

I know I have only been blogging for a couple of weeks now, but I couldn't wait any longer to send out a thank you to you bloggers out there. I was hesitant to start a blog because I didn't think anyone would be interested in the thoughts and events in the life of me....a boring housewife. Much to my surprise, the welcome I have received has been wonderfully positive. In my short time in the blogging world, I have already met some wonderful people...a few of them have even become friends. Through exploring other blogs I have found so many that I can relate to. Whether it's written by another military wife who has been where I've been and awaiting her husbands safe return from a deployment. Or a mother struggling to make it through another day of putting herself last and the needs of her family before her own. Or maybe it's a young lady who has just graduated and anxiously awaiting her future. Thank you to my followers and visitors who take the time to visit my page and lend your eyes to my words. Thank you to those of you who leave comments and words of encouragement. Thank you to the bloggers out there for your honesty and truth. Truth is magnetic; it draws people in. Life is hard and it is filled with ups and downs, hills and valleys. Nobody has a perfect life. Thank you to the brave bloggers out there who have the courage to express yourselves so honestly. That takes boldness and I have much respect for you. I strive to be more like that. To live an honest life instead of hiding behind what I think others want to see from me. Some people pretend to be someone or something they are not. They live in fear of judgment of others. Somehow it's "safer" to let it all out on paper or on a screen. To "save face". It's easier to edit your words and say what you need to say but in the time and the way you want to say it. Release those things you really want to say. Just remember words are powerful. They can change lives for the better or for the worse. Why do people blog? Well, I am learning and still finding my way around the blogging world. But I think it has to do with the fact that we have something to say and we need to be heard. We listen to others, but who is listening back? Being a military wife, I have moved around a lot, to new places, starting over, not having any friends around. It is hard. I need a supportive community. I have made a bit of progress in my new location, but I have made huge progress in the blogging community. Making new friends and reading about people who are in the same situations as me, going through the same things. There is common ground. It is refreshing to know that you are not the only one going through them. 
So thank you bloggers for sharing those struggles, it reminds the rest of us that we are not alone.
Thank you for sharing your triumphs as well, it reminds us that beautiful flowers grow from the dirty ground and the gloomy rain. Thank you for sharing your stories and allowing us to be a small part of your journey.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Thank You for my Blog Awards!

Wow, Wow, Wow! I've only been blogging a couple weeks and I just received five awards! Thank you so much! This means SO, SO much to me!
Thank you to Truthful Mommy for the Versatile Blogger Award, the One Lovely Blog Award, the Sunshine Award, and the Sugar Doll Award! I love your blog and I think you are a wonderful person and worthy of the blog awards you've recently received :) Congratulations to you again :)
Thank you to Katherine at Keeping up with the Heimsoths for the Honest Scrap Award! I love reading about your family and I think you are a lovely person! The honesty you put in your blog is definitely worthy of the award you just received :) Congratulations to you :)

Award Rules: 
1. Thank the person who gave you this award.
2. Share 10 things about yourself
3. Pass the award along to 10 bloggers who you have recently discovered and who you think are worthy of the award.
4. Contact the bloggers you've picked and let them know about the award.

Rule 1:
See above

Rule 2:
1. I got married when I was 19 to my high school sweetheart and we're still married today
2. Two of my favorite things to do are reading and writing
3. I am currently enrolled at Penn Foster School to be a medical transcriptionist
4. I am my own worst critic and struggle with the feeling of not being good enough
5. My biggest strengths are compassion and encouragement
6. My biggest weaknesses are laziness and comparing myself to others
7. I collect coffee mugs and also Precious Moments figurines
8. I have feared the water ever since I saw the movie "Jaws"
9. My favorite TV show of all times is F.R.I.E.N.D.S
10. My mother, my husband, and my daughter are the greatest blessings God has given me and I am thankful every day for them.

Rule 3:


The Honest Scrap Award I pass on to these bloggers.......
1. Brittney @ MommyWood 
2. Little Man's Mama @ Accidental Baby Maker
3. Blogger @ In Pursuit of Happiness 
5. Patrice @ Blessings Amid Chaos 
6. Sarah @ Mommy's Minute
7. Teri @ Momma Drama 
9. Christina @ Married to a Sailor 


The One Lovely Blog Award I pass on to these bloggers......
1. Patrice @ Blessings Amid Chaos 
3. Julie @ Make It Matter 
4. Mrs. Bliss @ Housewife Bliss
5. Elizabeth @ Love and Marriage 
7. Blogger @ Sweet Tea and Biscuits 
8. Charlie @ Hush Mama
9. Shannon @ Growing God's Gifts 
10. Divas @ The Dating Divas

The Sugar Doll Award I pass on to these bloggers.....
2. Jennifer @ Double Duty Mommy 
3. Miss C @ Life as I See it
4. Elizabeth @ Love and Marriage 
6. Divas @ The Dating Divas 
8. Sarah @ Mommy's Minute 
9. Blogger @ Aging Mommy
10. Jennifer @ 5 Lil' Chicks 

The Sunshine Award I pass on to these bloggers.....
4. Charlie @ Hush Mama
5. Teri @ Momma Drama 
6. Elizabeth @ Love and Marriage
9. Nicole @ A New Normal 
10. Jennifer @ 5 Lil' Chicks

The Versatile Blogger Award I pass on to these bloggers......
2. Jennifer @ Double Duty Mommy
3. Nicole @ A New Normal 
5. Rebecca @ Growing Up Our Style 
6. Christina @ Married to a Sailor
7. Nolie @ Nolie's Place 
8. Sarah @ Mommy's Minute
9. Jenny @ Babblings of a Mommy 
10. Brittney @ Mommywood

Congratulations to all you winners! I am encouraged by your blogs and think you are all wonderful!

Monday, May 10, 2010

What a Military Spouse Means to Me

I discovered a contest on another blog...Married to a Sailor. As a military spouse, I wanted to take part in write a post about what a military spouse means to me. Check out her page to learn more. Here is my entry...
  What a Military Spouse Means to Me
A military spouse is a person made up of many layers. I will refer to the spouse as "she" in this post, though I understand that the military spouses that are the men are of no less value. When I think of military spouse...this is what I think of....
She is a woman of flexibility
She is able to adapt to change at a moment's notice. She doesn't ask questions because she knows most likely she won't get many answers. She leaves her familiar surroundings which include family and friends and starts over in a new place; knowing that in a few years she will repeat this process all over again. She knows that in the military, time is always changing. When her husband  is sent out for a few days, that can quickly become a few weeks and it's never given a second becomes the norm.
She is a woman of strength and endurance.
When her husband is sent out to protect our freedoms that we take for granted, she is keeping things running smoothly until he returns. Going to bed and waking up alone and finding strength deep inside when she feels her energy source has run dry. She feels worn out and on the brink of tears and she forces a brave smile and focuses on whatever it takes to keep going.
She is a woman of comfort.
She is a place of security and creates a safe place for her spouse to come home to. A place of calm and warmth to escape from the stresses that accompanies his job.
She is a woman of trust.
Her husband can focus on his job and have confidence that everything is running smoothly and taken care of while he is away.
She is a woman of faithfulness.
Her husband knows that he has a good woman to come home to. Someone who isn't going to leave when times get tough, because they will. 
She is a woman of sensitivity and understanding.
She knows that his job requires him to keep things secret from her. She knows that he knows things or maybe has seen things that are hard for him to live with and sometimes needs his space to deal with them his own way. She knows how to read him and knows when to give him this space. The military doesn't ask; it tells.
She is a woman of sacrifice.
The military takes charge of her life and makes the decisions and she accepts that. She puts her wants and desires on the back burner and does whatever it takes to make the best of the situations she is given. She tries not to complain so her husband never feels his job is robbing her of a better life.
She is a woman of foundation.
She is supportive of her husband and he knows she is in his corner to uplift him and encourage him when the waters get rough. She is his partner; they are a team. He knows that she will back up the decisions he makes, because he knows things she doesn't.
Finally, she is a woman of faith.
This is different from faithfulness. She trusts in God to take care of her husband when he is sent away and loses all control from there. She knows that every time his job sends him away, there is a chance he will not return. It takes all the strength she has not to focus on this and the life she may have to live without her other half. This knowledge gives her more appreciation for the times they have together.

There is unity among military spouses and a respect that comes with the title. There is common ground and understanding between us. We know our husbands are our heroes. They don't have it easy, but they are brave to volunteer their lives for our country. They are brave and putting their life on the line, yet to them it's "just another day". They sacrifice so much for so many people, and through them, so do their spouses. Through that sacrifice brings humility and pride and gives our lives that much more meaning and depth. 
So, after almost nine years of being a military spouse, would I choose to be one if I knew then what I know now? Absolutely! I am the supportive foundation behind my husband so that he can be focused when he's in battle. The job of a military spouse is just as important and should be just as respected. 

My Mother's Day

My Mother's Day began with sleeping in until 7:30am. This is about two hours later than my usual wake-up time so I was very grateful to Eric for taking care of Becca and Max (our dog) so I could get some extra sleep. I felt well-rested and excited for Mother's Day to begin. You know how sometimes special occasions don't feel like they're supposed to and they feel like just another day? Well, yesterday felt like a very special day right from the moment I woke up! A day all about me! To do whatever I wanted to do! I was grateful for such a day :) A day to celebrate the fact that I am a mother. 
My husband was in a really good mood when he greeted me downstairs and wished me a Happy Mother's Day, followed by a great big hug from my daughter :) What a wonderful way to start the day!
We had a lovely breakfast as a family together out on our screened-in porch. It was a little chilly out, but the air was so fresh and crisp; it felt really great. Breakfast was delicious. Eric cleaned up and cleared the table while I got ready for the day. I wanted to look fabulous! I wanted to really feel good about myself. I took my time picking my outfit, doing my makeup, putting on jewelry and perfume...and when I had finished I looked in the mirror.....and I liked what I saw! I usually dread the mirror and avoid it as much as possible. But, yesterday I felt good about the person that I saw. I clean up nice! ;)
I told Eric I wanted to go to the local park as a family. So we found one about ten minutes down the road that Becca and I had never been to. Eric had been there many years ago when he was a student here. It was a small park and it had a playground and soccer field and baseball field. There was nobody else there, we had it all to ourselves. We let Becca run and run and run through the soccer field. She loves to be outside. She runs without purpose, just for the love of it. Eric and I followed behind her, hand in hand, just enjoying the moment. Then we headed to the playground and Eric and I took turns with Becca going down the slides. She had a blast! On the drive home we went through some neighborhoods and just toured the area. Eric and I used to do this when we lived in San Diego. We would talk about the houses that we saw and what we liked and didn't like about them. This is one of my favorite things to do with Eric. I know he enjoys it too. We came home and fed Becca lunch. Last year Eric and I started a family tradition of a photoshoot with Becca every Mother's Day and Father's Day so we will always have that day captured in pictures. So, Eric had been taking pictures at the park earlier and when we got home he took some more pictures of her and I. We got a couple really great ones :) When we were finished with that, it was time for Becca's nap, so we put her to bed. Eric and I sat down and watched TV and read the paper. As soon as I finished reading I went on the webcam with my mom and we talked for a while. I loved spending time with her on Mother's Day the only way I was able to. At least we could see each other and chat. After Becca woke up from her nap I made dinner.....cheese raviolis with red sauce....mmmmmm. Delicious! The rest of the night was very laid back. I took Max for a walk after dinner. This is my time to myself. Very peaceful. When I got back from that Eric and I talked on the phone with his mom for a while.
What a great day it was for me. Looking back, there was nothing grand that we did, just spent time together as a family and that's what I wanted. Just being together. We don't have to spend tons of's about the moments and putting in the time. I am thankful for my husband taking Max on most of his walks and taking care of everything so I had to do very little that day. And my daughter who lights up my world by just being in it. Happy Mother's Day to me!

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Happy Mother's Day!

Mother's Day Poem by Helen Steiner Rice
It takes a Mother's Love 
To make a house a home,
A place to be remembered, 
No matter where we roam.
It takes a Mother's Patience, 
To bring a child up right,
And her Courage and her Cheerfulness 
To make a dark day bright.
It takes a Mother's Thoughtfulness 
To mend the heart's deep "hurts,"
And her Skill and her Endurance 
To mend little socks and shirts.
It takes a Mother's Kindness 
To forgive us when we err,
To sympathize in trouble 
And bow her head in prayer.
It takes a Mother's Wisdom 
To recognize our needs
And to give us reassurance 
By her loving words and deeds.
It takes a Mother's Endless Faith, 
Her Confidence and Trust
To guide us through the pitfalls 
Of selfishness and lust.
And that is why in all this world 
There could not be another
Who could fulfill God's purpose 
As completely as a MOTHER! 

Happy Mother's Day to all of you mothers out there! 
I'm wishing you a day that makes you feel as special as you are!

Friday, May 7, 2010

My Daughter Rebecca

Mother's Heart
author unknown
I loved you from the very start
You stole my breath, embraced my heart.
Our life together has just begun
You're part of me my little one
 As mother with child, each day I grew
My mind was filled with thoughts of you
 I'd daydream of the things we'd share
Like late-night bottles and teddy bears
Like first steps and skinned knees,
Like bedtime stories and ABC's
 I thought of things you'd want to know,
Like how birds fly and flowers grow
 I thought of lessons I'd need to share,
Like standing tall and playing fair
When I first saw your precious face,
I prayed your life be touched with grace
  I thanked the angels from above,
And promised you unending love
Each night I lay you down to sleep,
I gently kiss your head and cheek
I count your little fingers and toes;
I memorize your eyes and nose
I linger at your nursery door,
Awed each day I love you more
 Through misty eyes, I dim the light,
I whisper, "I love you" every night
 I loved you from the very start,
You stole my breath, embraced my heart
As mother and child our journey's begin,
My heart's yours forever little one.
Thank you Rebecca for making me a mommy. It is the greatest joy of my life! I love you!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Thoughts in the Car

 Finally, some time for myself. No husband, no dog, no daughter. Just me, myself and I. How exciting! It's been a while. I had some store credit at Kohls that I wanted to use to take advantage of a sale that was going on yesterday. My husband, Eric, got home from work at 4:30pm. It was a little later than I was hoping to leave but Becca (my daughter) was still napping and I knew she'd be awake any minute, so the time to leave was now. It is a 40 minute drive to the nearest shopping center so I popped in one of my favorite CD's....Taylor Swift "Fearless". I enjoyed the ride as I listened to the music. Finally arriving into town the second to last song came on and started playing. It's called "The Best Day." For those of you who don't know it, Taylor Swift wrote it for her mother about her childhood memories with her. I cry every single time I hear it. I can definitely relate. As I continued driving, I recalled my own childhood memories with my mom. Oddly enough, my fondest and most treasured memories with my mom are the quiet ones......Two years ago, after dinner, we took a walk around her neighborhood sipping iced coffee talking about random things...Going away to college, first time living away from home and receiving letters from my mom daily....Moving out to California and being home by myself in an unfamiliar, new place and calling her in the middle of the night because I was afraid...she stayed on the phone with me for three hours until I was ready to go to sleep.....My younger years, sitting at the kitchen table while she washed the dishes and I told her about my day at school....Watching a movie together. Thinking about these moments, I hope I am as good a mom to my daughter. My mom is my inspiration. I hope my daughter and I have a close bond like I have with my mom. She is truly one of my best friends. I don't need to be the most fun mom, or the coolest mom, or the most stylish goal is for my daughter to grow up to be a good person and for her to be able to say "my mom is always there for me when I need her."
So, I arrived at Kohls and spent my store credit on a handful of things. Back to a 40 minute drive home. The ride back I listened to the same CD again starting at the beginning (I told you it's one of my favorites). I was feeling pretty great. I rarely get alone time. Time for me. Free from worrying and stressing about everyone else. I was enjoying every second of this. What a beautiful day. Sun shining and accompanied by a nice breeze. I rolled down my windows in the car, which I never do for fear of my hair getting messed up. But in that moment, I didn't care. It was so refreshing to feel the air on my face and through my hair. Smell the trees and grass and all the smells around me. I felt like I was floating down the road. No traffic, no stoplights or stop signs, no other cars. Just me.  It became so overwhelming the freedom I felt in that moment, I began to cry. So thankful for this peaceful moment. I wished there were more like this. It was such a freeing moment.
Being a stay at home mom is hard. Always taking care of a child, dog and husband 24/7. That means my mind is constantly revolved around everything that encompasses them. They are what's important and I am last.
So, I pulled up to our house; back to reality and responsibilities. As soon as Becca saw me her face lit up with excitement. She ran to me at full speed and flew into my arms and hugged me so tight. Our dog, Max, greeted me with the same excitement...jumping around and wagging his tail so fast I thought he would knock something over. The first words out of my husband's mouth said it all...."Finally you're home." :)
The remainder of the night everyone stuck to me like glue. My daughter wouldn't let me put her down. I sat on the floor and she brought me book after book to read to her as she sat on my lap. Max rested by my side.
I am missed, I am needed, I am depended on, I am loved.
My welcome home was the reminder that I needed that validated my importance to this family, and the time away gave me the endurance that I needed to keep going.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Conflict with Prayer

I have continuously struggled with this area in my relationship with God. I think I tend to go through the motions and say what sounds good, but not really open up my heart. I tend to put God in a box, forgetting His incredible power and omniscience. I limit His capabilities, what He is able to do. All the stresses in my life I take on myself, not trusting in Him to handle it. "I'll do it myself, my own way." It never works by the way. I am not strong enough to bear these things and I have no idea how to make it better. Even though I try to find the answers myself, I know deep down that the answers lie with God. I am thankful for the Holy Spirit that continues to whisper in my ear to go to God. I do ignore that voice, but I hear it. But, thick-headed as I am, continue to try over and over to find my own way.
Then I ask for forgiveness and bring it to the Lord and find relief quite quickly. It lasts for a few days and then the vicious cycle begins all over again.
Why do I continue to push Him away when I know He is the best thing for me and will provide the things that I need?Another thing about prayer...."I don't feel like praying, I don't want to". "I don't know what to say."

 I read this the other day in my devotional.....
"Day by Day" by Charles Swindoll

"Tell God all that is in your heart, as one unloads one's heart, its pleasures and its pain, to a dear friend. Tell Him your troubles, that He may comfort you; tell Him your joys, that He may sober them; tell Him your longings, that He may purify them; tell Him your dislikes, that He may help you to conquer them; talk to Him of your temptations, that He may shield you from them; show Him the wounds of your heart, that He may heal them; lay bare your indifference to good, your depraved tastes for evil, your instability. Tell Him how self-love makes you unjust to others, how vanity tempts you to be insincere, how pride disguises you to yourself and others. If you thus pour out all your weaknesses, needs, troubles, there will be no lack of what to say. You will never exhaust the subject. It is continually being renewed. People who have no secrets from each other never want for subject of conversation. They do not weigh their words, for there is nothing to be held back; neither do they seek for something to say. They talk out of the abundance of the heart, without consideration they say just what they think."

Sunday, May 2, 2010

New Attitude

I said before that I am a Navy wife and stay at home mom. I have another title that is of even more importance than both of those. I am a child of God. A born again believer saved by grace and sacrifice. God is faithful to me and has given me way more chances than I deserve, yet I continue to ask for more. I know God will always be there so I use that as an excuse to live my life according to me.
"I'll read my Bible tomorrow"
"I'll go to church next week"
"I'll pray when I have something important to say"
Laziness has been my biggest stumbling block my entire life. I just simply do not want to put forth the time or effort to do what I need to do.
Well, I've decided to ask the Lord for another chance. To try again. To strengthen my relationship with the Lord in obedience and faithfulness, even when I don't feel like it. It is a daily choice that I need to make. I am choosing to change my attitude and focus on the good in my life instead of the bad. I have been struggling for years with unhappiness, borderline depression. I think much of that is too much focus on circumstances and the things I cannot change. Moving away from family and friends and bitter because I have no one to talk to or hang out with. Nothing to do except sit around at home. I need to choose to make the best of what I am given. Not complain that no one is around. Open myself up and try new things, go places and try to meet new people. I need to live the life I have now instead of wishing for different circumstances. I need to accept the way things are. Live the life I have, not the life I'm wishing for. I think I have been focused on the wrong things and searching for answers in the wrong places. God is the answer. I knew it all along, He's always the answer, He's the Only answer. But, I wanted to find another way myself. I hold no power though, so I don't know why I would look to myself.
Why the desire to change my attitude? My daughter. She is my inspiration to be the best I can be. I am her example, her teacher, her guide. She learns by hearing and watching ME.
My priorities need to be put back in place.
Bottom line: Trust God for my needs; He already knows what they are.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Stepping into the Blogging World

Hello there bloggers/readers. I am new to the blogging world.
Why start a blog? I would like to share my experiences and thoughts with anyone who cares to listen.
Why would anyone want to read about my life? I have no idea.
I'll say this though...I think people look for something or someone they can relate to. Everyone likes to be encouraged and everyone likes to be inspired. My desire is to express honesty and truth as I see it, even when that's hard to do. I've spent a long time appearing on the outside to have it all together, while secretly breaking inside. It's hard to show vulnerability and weakness. We don't want to broadcast our problems....what would people think? We live in a very judgmental world, that's the truth. We put on armor and put up walls to protect ourselves, allowing very few people into our world. We keep them at a distance.
The truth is I don't have all the answers. I'm 27 years old and still learning who I am. I have so much to learn and more growing up to do. I have doubts about myself as a person, and as a wife and mother. Am I doing the right thing and making the right decisions? I'm still discovering how I can be the best I can be and I am far from it.
I am a Navy wife and a stay at home mom. Both can be isolating and lonely. It's hard moving away from family and friends, forced out of your comfort zone. Everywhere I move I have to start over. Making new friends can be hard for me because I am pretty shy. I am thankful for the opportunity to stay at home with my daughter; being able to experience all my daughter's "firsts" and daily growth. It is hard though. Nothing but toddler talk all day, no adult interaction or stimulation. Cleaning, laundry, walking the dog, etc. Life has become mundane. Same thing every day, no change....nothing exciting. I need to bring joy back into my life. Happiness is conditional but true joy is lasting.