Thursday, January 10, 2013


Okay, I'm going to reveal something about myself that a lot of people do not know about me. I am currently in therapy. I have been for over a year. It helps me deal with sensitive issues from my childhood, as well as difficulties in my daily life right now. I guess I just wanted to say that it has helped so much more than I expected. I was definitely one of those people who avoided it, for fear of what it meant and fear of being judged when people found out. I felt I was a failure if I went. The first day was a complete surprise. I know it's different for everyone, and some people find it uncomfortable to air their troubles to a stranger; I found it to be the exact opposite. This person doesn't know me, what have I got to lose? I actually enjoyed the opportunity to have an hour to just talk about me and have someone give me undivided attention. It was amazing to me. I just spilled all my issues out with no problem and it was a very freeing feeling. More than anything, it's been a learning experience for me....about myself. And it really is a journey that I've been on. The most surprising thing is how they get you to say those things you're afraid to say out loud and it transforms you. Things that are buried so far deep inside that is difficult to access somehow comes to the surface. But even though it sounds like a bad thing emotionally, it really is a step forward in healing and confronting things that need to be confronted. So, I guess I just wanted to say that I think therapy has gotten a bad rap in the past, but it's a really great thing. It's really helpful. I recommend it if you're struggling and need a little help. What's so wrong with needing help?

Monday, January 7, 2013

Les Miserables

WOW. So, I went to the movies with my Mom yesterday afternoon and we saw the Les Miserables movie. Neither of us had seen the old movie or the play. We both loved it. It was absolutely sensational! The acting was superb and so was the directing. The movie was beautifully made. The story was so powerful and moving. It was so intense, that I didn't want to blink for fear of missing something. The actors took acting to a new level with the emotion and rawness that was portrayed. The makeup and scenery and costumes, it all went together beautifully. What a wonderful story of redemption and sacrifice and love. I think it was one of the best movies ever made and definitely one of the best I've ever seen and a new favorite for me. Everyone needs to go see this movie. It's such a beautiful story with so much depth. I hope it sweeps all the awards this year :) For all of you out there who saw it, what did you think?

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Enjoying Life Imperfectly

Every January 1st since I can remember, I make this plan that I'm going to somehow start living every day perfectly. Gonna get up early, read my Bible, shower, full face of makeup, hair perfect, clean the entire house, make a perfect breakfast and go through the day the way I "should". After three days, it's basically gone to hell. Not this time. I'm enjoying each day imperfectly.
It's much nicer going through the day without expectation of myself. Just to live the day moment to moment. It's absolutely freeing. Liberating. What a thrill to not plan your day before it even begins.
Enjoying the moments that add up the day, instead of how it may appear on the outside and to other people.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Learning to Play Piano

I decided to learn how to play the piano. I already have a keyboard that I bought many years ago. I played around with it a little bit, but nothing really stuck. Then life just got busy and back in the box it went, and has stayed there since. Well, my cousin Ashlynn got a guitar for Christmas this year and has been playing it non-stop since. I love listening to her play and sing. It has inspired me to get my keyboard out and learn to play. She taught me a few things and then today I went on to youtube and learned how to play two songs that I love...."It will rain" by Bruno Mars, and "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri. It's been really fun getting involved in music and learning to play piano is something I've always wanted to do. Makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something. Challenging myself. Learning new things. I'm tired of standing still.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Working on the house

Well, since New Years Day I have been a busy bee. I've been working on the inside of the house a lot. Trying to get it to look past the "just moved in" stage. We moved in last May. Everything is nicely painted and there are some pictures up and stuff but there are no bookshelves or much beyond that point. We have a lot of space, so that's not the problem. It's a matter of utilizing and organizing the space we have. I'm feeling really good about what I've done so far. I am quite lazy and tend to put things off.
I bought a coat rack and shoe rack for behind the front door in the entrance-way. I also bought a ladder bookshelf for the living room to display some pictures and books. I organized the office/playroom and found a place for everything. It looks nice and tidy now. I hung up a corkboard in the kitchen to display all of Becca's artwork and crafts. I also put the shelves up in my china cabinet and displayed all of my great-grandmother's china that was given to me. It looks really nice. My big purchase, though, I made New Years Day and it just got delivered three hours ago. I bought a brand new Dining Room Set. I finally saved enough money up over the past few months and I got a great deal on it too. It was a New Years Sale plus I got a military discount as well as friends and family discount. I just love it! We've been using a large folding table for a while and the table we had before that was a $50 Ikea table that was super tiny. So, finally we have a nice set to be proud of and can seat 8 people comfortably. Dark brown wood with dark brown upholstered chairs. It was bought with money that was left to me from my stepfather when he passed, so I think of it as his gift to me. Something I will always have. I'm real proud of myself for making my home more of a home.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

The Strong-Willed Child

I'm reading the book, "The Strong-Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson. I had heard of it before and was interested, and then my mom bought it for me. I wish I had started reading this book much earlier. Turns out it's all about my daughter. It's been such a struggle, the past year and a half with her. I find it very difficult to parent her. Especially doing it by myself while Eric is deployed. It has given me a new respect for single parents. Of course it doesn't help that Becca has her father's personality as well as everything else. I wonder what she got from me besides physical attributes. We have opposite personalities. I am shy, quiet, and avoid confrontation. Becca is never quiet, requires constant attention, and thrives on battles and testing limits. I am very early on in the book, but a comfort I have read already is that it is part of her genetic makeup. I have felt like a parental failure because of her behavior. Make no mistake, I do play a part in this, a big part. I struggle with discipline and consistency with her, which adds to the problem big time. My passive, non-confrontational personality conflicts with her frequency to start a battle between us. Another thing the book encouraged was prayer. To pray for my daughter. For the Holy Spirit to tame her strong will without destroying her spirit. This really spoke to me, and I've immediately started to do that. I'm definitely one of those people who pray as a last resort; when everything else I've tried has failed. God has more power than I do, and He loves my daughter more than I do too.
I need to learn control with her and teach her. I am glad I have this book, though. It is a great read and I recommend it to you other mothers out there who are struggling with the same battles I am.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

365 Posts for 2013

Well, hello everybody. It's been a long time I see. I didn't realize just how long it has been until just now when I saw the date of my last post. And what a year not to post. Let's just say I had a lot to write about. I just never did. Nevertheless, it's a new year and I want to take writing to another level. Those of you who regularly read my posts and those of you who know me personally, know by now that my dream is to be a writer. The extent of what kind, is yet to be determined. However, it is clear to me that it's what I'm meant to do. So, here I am at 6:30am, on the first day of the new year. I've decided to start back up again on my blog with a challenge to myself. I am going to write a post every single day this year, whether I feel like it or not. I've read many, many books on writing and how to be a successful writer. Every single one of them state strongly that in order to be a good writer, you must write constantly. I've actually been asked by many friends why I stopped posting on my blog and if I still write. The answer is yes, I still write. Not as much as I should or would like to. I stopped posting on my blog because most of the things I write about are very, very personal. My writing is vulnerable and I write about a lot of stuff  most people in my life do not know about. Why not share it? Well, in the past, fear of judgment and giving people close up access to deep, dark places in my life. But isn't that what all good writing is about anyway? For the writer, it's about unleashing inner emotions and thoughts. For the reader, it's about a connection to something beyond the page; beyond the words of the subject matter. I can't be 80 years old and still be saying I want to be a writer. There must be progress. So, this is me taking a step forward. Sharing with you my upcoming year. I know you missed last year, but this year couldn't possibly be worse. In fact, I would like to start the new year off right, in saying that this year I plan to take steps toward healing, and moving on from the past. Not forgetting it, or the mistakes and hurt and pain that came with it, but to no longer allow it to hold power over the present. I want this year to be a year of change for me, from the inside out. As a person, as a mother, as a wife, as a daughter, as a child of God, and all of the other roles that I have. I will share with you that my biggest weakness is also my most hated trait about myself. It has been the Achilles heel of my life. Lack of follow-through. It stems from laziness. Great ideas that lead to nowhere. A decision that is never carried out. To put something off until the next day, week, or month. This year I want to make a conscious effort to work on that. To become more productive. Despite however I may appear, like most people, I am very hard on myself. To the point where, for an entire year, I did not look in a mirror because I hated what I saw so much. I've come far from that point to a place of acceptance. To have peace within myself. Believe me, it has taken many years to get to this point, and it was a path of self-hatred and self-destruction. Words I live by; they are my own: if perfection doesn't exist and is unattainable, there is always room for improvement. I will never be perfect, but that means I can strive to better myself and grow and improve on weak areas in my life. I've also learned to find what few strengths I have, and maximize and extend them towards other avenues in life.
So, anyway, I am re-opening my blog this year. I hope you come on this journey with me. I am nervous to let you inside my thoughts, but risks can bring forth great rewards, right?
I'm going to end each post with a concluding message to you, my readers.
Today's is: Happy New Year to you. Some people make resolutions for the new year or goals to work on. Tell me one of yours. If you are not one to make resolutions, I would ask you to simply think to yourself how you would like either yourself or your life to be different from this time next year. Life is short. As we've read in headlines the past few months, there is a lot of negative in the world. It's time to embrace the good and strive to better ourselves. After all, that is all we can be accountable for, nobody else.