Sunday, May 2, 2010
I said before that I am a Navy wife and stay at home mom. I have another title that is of even more importance than both of those. I am a child of God. A born again believer saved by grace and sacrifice. God is faithful to me and has given me way more chances than I deserve, yet I continue to ask for more. I know God will always be there so I use that as an excuse to live my life according to me.
"I'll read my Bible tomorrow"
"I'll go to church next week"
"I'll pray when I have something important to say"
Laziness has been my biggest stumbling block my entire life. I just simply do not want to put forth the time or effort to do what I need to do.
Well, I've decided to ask the Lord for another chance. To try again. To strengthen my relationship with the Lord in obedience and faithfulness, even when I don't feel like it. It is a daily choice that I need to make. I am choosing to change my attitude and focus on the good in my life instead of the bad. I have been struggling for years with unhappiness, borderline depression. I think much of that is too much focus on circumstances and the things I cannot change. Moving away from family and friends and bitter because I have no one to talk to or hang out with. Nothing to do except sit around at home. I need to choose to make the best of what I am given. Not complain that no one is around. Open myself up and try new things, go places and try to meet new people. I need to live the life I have now instead of wishing for different circumstances. I need to accept the way things are. Live the life I have, not the life I'm wishing for. I think I have been focused on the wrong things and searching for answers in the wrong places. God is the answer. I knew it all along, He's always the answer, He's the Only answer. But, I wanted to find another way myself. I hold no power though, so I don't know why I would look to myself.
Why the desire to change my attitude? My daughter. She is my inspiration to be the best I can be. I am her example, her teacher, her guide. She learns by hearing and watching ME.
My priorities need to be put back in place.
Bottom line: Trust God for my needs; He already knows what they are.