Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Thoughts in the Car

 Finally, some time for myself. No husband, no dog, no daughter. Just me, myself and I. How exciting! It's been a while. I had some store credit at Kohls that I wanted to use to take advantage of a sale that was going on yesterday. My husband, Eric, got home from work at 4:30pm. It was a little later than I was hoping to leave but Becca (my daughter) was still napping and I knew she'd be awake any minute, so the time to leave was now. It is a 40 minute drive to the nearest shopping center so I popped in one of my favorite CD's....Taylor Swift "Fearless". I enjoyed the ride as I listened to the music. Finally arriving into town the second to last song came on and started playing. It's called "The Best Day." For those of you who don't know it, Taylor Swift wrote it for her mother about her childhood memories with her. I cry every single time I hear it. I can definitely relate. As I continued driving, I recalled my own childhood memories with my mom. Oddly enough, my fondest and most treasured memories with my mom are the quiet ones......Two years ago, after dinner, we took a walk around her neighborhood sipping iced coffee talking about random things...Going away to college, first time living away from home and receiving letters from my mom daily....Moving out to California and being home by myself in an unfamiliar, new place and calling her in the middle of the night because I was afraid...she stayed on the phone with me for three hours until I was ready to go to sleep.....My younger years, sitting at the kitchen table while she washed the dishes and I told her about my day at school....Watching a movie together. Thinking about these moments, I hope I am as good a mom to my daughter. My mom is my inspiration. I hope my daughter and I have a close bond like I have with my mom. She is truly one of my best friends. I don't need to be the most fun mom, or the coolest mom, or the most stylish mom....my goal is for my daughter to grow up to be a good person and for her to be able to say "my mom is always there for me when I need her."
So, I arrived at Kohls and spent my store credit on a handful of things. Back to a 40 minute drive home. The ride back I listened to the same CD again starting at the beginning (I told you it's one of my favorites). I was feeling pretty great. I rarely get alone time. Time for me. Free from worrying and stressing about everyone else. I was enjoying every second of this. What a beautiful day. Sun shining and accompanied by a nice breeze. I rolled down my windows in the car, which I never do for fear of my hair getting messed up. But in that moment, I didn't care. It was so refreshing to feel the air on my face and through my hair. Smell the trees and grass and all the smells around me. I felt like I was floating down the road. No traffic, no stoplights or stop signs, no other cars. Just me.  It became so overwhelming the freedom I felt in that moment, I began to cry. So thankful for this peaceful moment. I wished there were more like this. It was such a freeing moment.
Being a stay at home mom is hard. Always taking care of a child, dog and husband 24/7. That means my mind is constantly revolved around everything that encompasses them. They are what's important and I am last.
So, I pulled up to our house; back to reality and responsibilities. As soon as Becca saw me her face lit up with excitement. She ran to me at full speed and flew into my arms and hugged me so tight. Our dog, Max, greeted me with the same excitement...jumping around and wagging his tail so fast I thought he would knock something over. The first words out of my husband's mouth said it all...."Finally you're home." :)
The remainder of the night everyone stuck to me like glue. My daughter wouldn't let me put her down. I sat on the floor and she brought me book after book to read to her as she sat on my lap. Max rested by my side.
I am missed, I am needed, I am depended on, I am loved.
My welcome home was the reminder that I needed that validated my importance to this family, and the time away gave me the endurance that I needed to keep going.

20 comments:

  1. I came across your blog through a comment you made on another blog.

    I enjoyed your thoughts about your own Mom and your goals in the kind of Mom you want to be. My Mom sent me day every day when I went off to college too. I love that memory!

    I'm a stay at home Mom as well. We have a five year old son who is finishing up kindergarten.
    God bless you!
    Bethany

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  2. This post brought tears to my eyes. I think EVERY mom can relate.

    Honest, and touching.

    We need those moments to ourselves... and when we return, we are stronger for it and refreshed!

    Love you! KEEP WRITING!

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  3. wow, this really touched me-- motherhood is a mixed bowl of fruit, your daughter is really lucky to have you.

    Looking forward to reading more.

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  4. Alaina you are such a beautiful writer, so open and honest. I think all stay at home mothers can relate to you, I know I sure can! Especially now that I have 2 and am babysitting 2. I cling to the realization that before I know it, I will have all the time in the world just for me. That I will wish for just one more minute with my babies. One more story. One more kiss... even knowing all this, I still HAVE to have time for myself every now and then. Time to recharge and restore my heart & mind. God sure is amazing in that he allows even just short spurts to be so restorative! As stay at home moms, we know we are blessed, we know we are lucky to spend so much time with our little ones, yet we still need a breath. I'll be keeping you on my short list of blogs to keep up with. HUGS!

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  5. Sounds like you have a close and lovely relationship with your mom...love it.

    I can totally relate to you - I stayed home w/ my two boys when they were babies, and it's hard! Hope you enjoyed your day out..you deserve it!

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  6. What a wonderful post. I got a little teary eyed reading your memories with your mom. My mom is one of my best friends and I too have wonderful memories. I am like you too, I hope I have the same relationship with my kids as I do with my mom!

    Wow 40 minutes to the nearest shopping center!! I would go insane! Everything I need is within 5-10 minutes of my house!

    I am sure you did enjoy your quiet time though. On the rare occasion I take a long drive by myself I too enjoy it greatly!

    Thanks for stopping by my blog today!

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  7. that is so sweet! My mom and I have the same relationship, i wouldnt trade her for the world! Its amazing how the simple things make us realize the wonderful things in life.

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  8. Thank you for visiting my blog. I'm glad to have a chance to "meet you." Your blog is lovely and I'm excited to hear about your walk with the Lord. Keep on keeping on. If I can ever do anything to help spiritually or as a blogging friend just let me know.

    God Bless!

    Ashley
    Beauty4Moms.blogspot.com

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  9. I love alone time! I get it so seldom that when I do I feel lost sometimes! I love the feeling of driving in the car with the windows down! I also love the memories of you and your mom! I am so close with my mom, and not many of my friends are close to theirs and I love to see that you seem to be with yours! Love it! very refreshing little blog! by the way, I love that Fearless album as well!

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  10. Alaina, I needed this post this week! As you know, I do daycare and it can get pretty crazy around here that I just start feeling run down and overwhelmed with it all! Your post reminded me to step back and remember that I need to be cherishing these days with my babies (and the adorable kids I watch too) - even the hard days!

    I have the Taylor Swift CD - Tori and I are huge fans of hers by the way! I love that song she wrote for her mom too.

    I'm following your blog now and look forward to reading more. I'm so glad we can encourage eachother even though we live so far away. Love you girl!

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  11. I think every mom needs to know they are needed. What a wondeful way to be greeted as you came home! I love the little time I get away, but I love coming home the best. I love being at home with my guys.

    If you are interested, I would love for you to join my BlogFrog community Mom Loop.http://theblogfrog.com/1362952

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  12. That was simply beautiful what you wrote about your mom. You will be the same as her because that is what you grew up with!

    I am a SAHM mom as well and that moment you described in your car - I have had those moments too, not a lot of them! But, they really refresh me just to have a minute of time to me and then I am back and better because of it!

    Happily following you back. I would have replied directly to your email but you have the "No-Reply" set on your profile.

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  13. thanks for stopping by my blog....I lived in Rochester for a while, so I'm familiar with your neck of the woods. Being a SAHM is such a mixed bag of emotions, I truly think it's the hardest/best job in the world.

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  14. So Nice and the blog is really full of emotion...I am feeling it!!! you are a good writer.

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  15. Hi Laina, just coming in to let you know that you won the Bake me a Wish Cake Giveaway. :)

    I need you to email me ASAP at bourlandcs@msn.com, with your address and chosen cake. The company needs this info today so they can send out the cake this afternoon and have it to you in time for Mother's Day.

    Congrats again ;)

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  16. I stumbled across your blog this morning and really enjoyed reading your posts. Welcome to the blogsphere! I, too, am a Navy wife and stay at home mom although my daughter is a teenager now. We have been a Navy family for sixteen years.

    What a beautiful post about your memories of your Mom. My Mom passed away in 2003, but I have many, many, many fond memories of our times together and I can definitely say that my Mom was always there for me.

    I look forward to following your blog.

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  17. You are featured as one of my great posts of the week. Here is the link: http://www.jdaniel4smom.com/2010/05/great-posts-i-came-across-this-week-may_08.html

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  18. Thank you for all the wonderful comments! You are all so sweet, it has been very encouraging to read them :)

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  19. I'm so excited to find your blog. You are a wonderful writer and really put into words what it is to be a stay at home mom of a young family. Time away is so important for you. It does keep all things in perspective and helps you appreciate your family!! I can' wait to follow your blog!!

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  20. Hello all you bloggers......this is Alaina's mom. She is my true earth angel. You are just getting to know her and you can already feel her warmth. Anyone who knows her is touched by her. She is my treasure in my treasure chest. the wind beneath my wings. Laina, honey, thanks for taking us along on your journey of day to day emotions. When we read your blog, we feel the warm sun on our face. Keep writing, sweetheart. I can feel that it makes you feel good, and that is important. I love you my sweetest girl...xoxoxo MOM

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