Thoughts in the Car - Part 2

I was able to have several hours to myself today, and because it is such a rare occurrence, I try to savor and appreciate every moment. I needed to go to Party City to get supplies and decorations for Becca's Dora-themed birthday party next week.
So, those of you that have read my previous posts know that going into town is a 40-minute drive one way. I tend to do a lot of reflecting when I'm in the car by myself. Anyway, on my way to the store I popped in a CD to listen to. Which one? My faithful readers know...yup, that's right, again...my favorite CD..."Fearless" by Taylor Swift. The song "Fifteen" comes on...the music starts...the first word is spoken, and I am taken back to my high school years. I am fifteen again. The memories flood my mind as Taylor Swift perfectly describes being a high school freshman. The awkwardness and uncertainty. Walking down the halls on your first day of school, getting lost in what feels like a hollow museum. Gazing around at your new schoolmates, looking for familiar faces but avoiding eye contact with strangers. And of course...there was that one boy. You know the one. When he smiles at you or even makes eye contact with you, it makes your entire day. I had a crush on a boy for 5 years, beginning in 7th grade. This boy was completely wrong for me, and I knew it. He was a slacker, had a wandering eye, used me, and ended up in jail, yet knowing all this, he still had the ability to give me butterflies. (No, I didn't marry this frog...we never even dated, I just admired him from afar and later found my prince).
The song continues..."you sit in class next to red-headed Abigail and soon enough you're best friends...laughin' at the other girls, who think they're so cool, we'll be outta here as soon as we can." Immediately high school best friend, Vanessa, comes to mind and I smile. :) I remember we had the same classes and we always sat next to each other...with one look we would smirk as we read each others thoughts. Chorus class we would giggle at our oddball teacher who marched to a different beat. We dragged our matching sandals, wearing our unintentional matching outfits to English class 5 minutes late and get scowled at by our teacher who was awaiting retirement that year. Study Hall we sat at "our table" at the library, not studying, but commenting on the fashion magazines we looked at together. Before class we would meet up at the cafeteria and each get a bagel and cream cheese and sit and eat together. People thought we looked like sisters; we were always together. Maybe not sisters by blood, but definitely by heart. There are no other years like your high school years. Seems like a former lifetime; forever frozen in time. Yet, with all the drama that high school comes with, I can now look back on it with a smile :) I graduated 10 years ago. Would I want to go back and re-live high school? Not a chance.

Thoughts in the Car

 Finally, some time for myself. No husband, no dog, no daughter. Just me, myself and I. How exciting! It's been a while. I had some store credit at Kohls that I wanted to use to take advantage of a sale that was going on yesterday. My husband, Eric, got home from work at 4:30pm. It was a little later than I was hoping to leave but Becca (my daughter) was still napping and I knew she'd be awake any minute, so the time to leave was now. It is a 40 minute drive to the nearest shopping center so I popped in one of my favorite CD's....Taylor Swift "Fearless". I enjoyed the ride as I listened to the music. Finally arriving into town the second to last song came on and started playing. It's called "The Best Day." For those of you who don't know it, Taylor Swift wrote it for her mother about her childhood memories with her. I cry every single time I hear it. I can definitely relate. As I continued driving, I recalled my own childhood memories with my mom. Oddly enough, my fondest and most treasured memories with my mom are the quiet ones......Two years ago, after dinner, we took a walk around her neighborhood sipping iced coffee talking about random things...Going away to college, first time living away from home and receiving letters from my mom daily....Moving out to California and being home by myself in an unfamiliar, new place and calling her in the middle of the night because I was afraid...she stayed on the phone with me for three hours until I was ready to go to sleep.....My younger years, sitting at the kitchen table while she washed the dishes and I told her about my day at school....Watching a movie together. Thinking about these moments, I hope I am as good a mom to my daughter. My mom is my inspiration. I hope my daughter and I have a close bond like I have with my mom. She is truly one of my best friends. I don't need to be the most fun mom, or the coolest mom, or the most stylish mom....my goal is for my daughter to grow up to be a good person and for her to be able to say "my mom is always there for me when I need her."
So, I arrived at Kohls and spent my store credit on a handful of things. Back to a 40 minute drive home. The ride back I listened to the same CD again starting at the beginning (I told you it's one of my favorites). I was feeling pretty great. I rarely get alone time. Time for me. Free from worrying and stressing about everyone else. I was enjoying every second of this. What a beautiful day. Sun shining and accompanied by a nice breeze. I rolled down my windows in the car, which I never do for fear of my hair getting messed up. But in that moment, I didn't care. It was so refreshing to feel the air on my face and through my hair. Smell the trees and grass and all the smells around me. I felt like I was floating down the road. No traffic, no stoplights or stop signs, no other cars. Just me.  It became so overwhelming the freedom I felt in that moment, I began to cry. So thankful for this peaceful moment. I wished there were more like this. It was such a freeing moment.
Being a stay at home mom is hard. Always taking care of a child, dog and husband 24/7. That means my mind is constantly revolved around everything that encompasses them. They are what's important and I am last.
So, I pulled up to our house; back to reality and responsibilities. As soon as Becca saw me her face lit up with excitement. She ran to me at full speed and flew into my arms and hugged me so tight. Our dog, Max, greeted me with the same excitement...jumping around and wagging his tail so fast I thought he would knock something over. The first words out of my husband's mouth said it all...."Finally you're home." :)
The remainder of the night everyone stuck to me like glue. My daughter wouldn't let me put her down. I sat on the floor and she brought me book after book to read to her as she sat on my lap. Max rested by my side.
I am missed, I am needed, I am depended on, I am loved.
My welcome home was the reminder that I needed that validated my importance to this family, and the time away gave me the endurance that I needed to keep going.