A New Year....what shall I do with it?

Happy New Year!

I'm excited for a new year, a fresh start and new beginning. I want this year to be a turning point for me. It's time to start taking action and stop wasting time. To start doing all the things that consume my thoughts. These great ideas and dreams I have I just keep to myself and they stay unfulfilled. It's time I take a chance. Sometimes the biggest rewards stem from the biggest risks. I've played it safe for too long and it has left me very unfulfilled. I know I have more in me to contribute to this world and it's time I let it out. These last few years have been the worst of my life internally and emotionally for me. It is odd, since I've been given so many blessings during this time. I'm going to stop waiting for my life to be what I want and wait for it to all fall perfectly into my life, it's just an immature thought and not how it works. Time to grow up and take charge and make these things happen. I will slowly take you on my dark journey I've been on as I hit my rock bottom. I am slowly climbing my way up and my focus is one foot in front of the other. Normalcy seems unattainable and unreachable as I've fallen so far, but I learned a lot from that fall and I can use that to help someone else with those same feelings. This year is going to be a great one. Last year I finished school and I have a diploma for medical transcription. It made me feel good that I accomplished something totally on my own that was only for me. I have put myself on the backburner for so long that it has become unhealthy and has formed resentment and anger. I need to make myself more of a priority and stop being a martyr, I must do this to make peace with myself and be able to look at myself in the mirror instead of seeing hate in the reflection. I'm going to be the me I know I'm meant to be, the one I was created to be, the me I know I can be. It's time to stop giving up just because perfection is unattainable, that simply means we can  always strive to be more, not that we're not good enough. There's something good in all of us, something we can contribute to our world. I consider myself very, very weak...but I want to strengthen myself and not continue to stay weak. It's all a choice. Choosing to live this way and think this way and be this way. Well, 2012....a new me is surfacing. I'm getting rid of all the skeletons in my life that I am just now discovering that are holding me back and keeping me so limited. I will overcome them with determination for a better life, for me and my family. They deserve better and so do I.

The theme of this year is going to be CHANGE. I know, I know....isn't that the theme of every year, right? Yes, but I am changing who I am from the inside out. I know, I'm sooo melodramatic...LOL. But, it's how I feel. There are big changes in store for me this year. We are looking to buy our first house in a different state. Eric is back on a ship now which means deployments, long hours, underways, and less time together as a family. Time to draw strength from within and equip myself...if I can't handle my life in the good times where everything's going my way, what does that mean for me when things really get rocky and all that is familiar to me takes an abrupt turn. I don't adapt well to big changes in life but it's time I start. I have a three year old that depends on me to feel secure in her life and a husband who gives so much of himself that he needs to know I can take care of things and give him less to worry about on the homefront. The change starts with me. You all know that famous quote that I love so much and I'm sure most of you do as well....."be the change you wish to see in the world." It's one of my favorites. I'm feeling that this is the year for this quote to become reality and I would challenge you to apply it to your life as well. No matter what we do, we can always do more, go the extra mile, start small but be consistent. This is what I am striving for. 

So...on another note...inspiring this change, I woke up New Years Day with a song in  my head, the words flowing through and I couldn't get them out of my head. Maybe God's challenge to me...my new years anthem...

It's a new year, it's gonna be great,
It's gonna deliver whatever my fate
Filled with laughter and memories of things that I love
Hoping and praying for what I dream of....


Peace for the restless, and homes for the homeless,
Food for the hungry, and cures for the sick.
Strength for the weak, help for people in need,

The change in this world that we seek...
Let it begin with you and with me.


It's time to start the change, 
It's time to rearrange,
What's most important in our lives...
Is it houses and cars and clothes that we wear
To make us look good, but who really cares?

The change in this world that we seek...
Let it begin with you and with me.

I've decided that this year I want to change me,
From the inside out and fulfill my destiny.
I know I am better than this complacency.
What can I do? So many possibilities...

A smile to the people I pass on the street,
Lending my time or a hand to where I see a need.
Thinking of others out there, not just family and friends,
But strangers who might have no means to an end.

I have so much more than I need...
Because God has been so good to me.


It's time to give back with compassion and kindness,
Selflessness, friendliness we can find inside us.
Whether we think they deserve it or not,
It's not up to us to judge someone else's plot.

Give with no reason except cuz it's right,
Could one simple choice of mine change someone's life?
It just might......


What can I do to better my life?
Be the best I can be and look forward, not behind.
Pursue my dreams, despite fear of failing,
Not being good enough can be very scary.


Our world needs a change...
And it all starts with you and with me.


Change starts with a choice...
To do something or not to.

Poem I wrote

When I feel I need some space, I take a walk outside,

I seek peace, I breathe at ease and look up to the sky.

I feel the air brush through my hair and tickle the top of my skin,

I close my eyes and think of God, hoping to connect with Him.

I begin to feel that He is there, 

Reminding me that He still cares.

The truth is that He never left, it's me that pushes Him away.

Why I fight Him, I don't know,

Living my way, I'll never grow.
Without Him present in my life, I'll never find my way.

Eyes still closed, I feel the sun's warm rays upon my face,

It's God's way of embracing me and restoring my faith.

He gives me the peace I struggle to find behind my home's four walls,

These walls are closing in on me and I struggle to breathe.

I need to find an escape from this place,

To feel free and to be me.

I feel constrained and confined,

Release me from this cage.

These chains of life have bound me,

And at moments I feel enraged.

I cry, "where are you God? Oh please help me."

He replies, "I'm right here, no need to fear, I've heard your plea."

I sit in His presence saying nothing at all,

He reads my soul and answers its call.

He comforts me, knowing exactly what I need.

I can finally rest, I can finally breathe.

In His presence, He digs deep through the layers, uncovering the hidden real me.

I feel my chest open up, my back feels lighter,

He lifted my burden my outlook is brighter.

Thank you, God for rescuing me and renewing and restoring me once again.

Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day!
Eric and I don't make a big deal about Valentine's Day. We don't get lavish gifts for each other usually or anything like that. Most of the time it's a simple card and I'll make a nice dinner for us. It is a nice reminder though that it's important to show our love towards our significant other in special ways once in a while. It doesn't have to be the pressure of Valentine's Day, but after many years of marriage and when children enter and remain in the scene, romance takes a backseat. This year I decided to step it up a little bit. I am getting myself all dolled up...nice outfit (maybe a dress), makeup, curl the hair, the whole works. He has to go to work at 4pm so when Becca takes her nap at 2pm I will make us dinner (chicken parmesan) and set the table nice with candles and romantic music. Maybe dancing in our dining room? It's not much, but it's what I am able to do right now. I'm hoping it's enough to show him what he means to me. It's all about making an effort in the little things. Wish me luck. I hope you all have a lovely Valentine's Day reminding your special someone how much they mean to you.

Instead of a card I wrote him this poem:

You keep my feet on solid ground,

You are the rock that I have found.

You see past my surface pride,

And find the real me that hides inside.

You make me laugh, can make make smile,

Please come and stay with me awhile.

Wrap your arms around me tight,

And tell me everything’s all right.

You make my frown turn upside-down,

Though I have tried, from you I cannot hide.

Your faith in me makes me believe,

I can be all that I have dreamed.

You guide me safely to that place,

That I am able to escape…

All the bad that’s in my life,

I am so proud to be your wife.

You accept me flaws and all,

Baby, of you I am in awe.

You lead me when I can’t see,

And then I start to believe…

That I can stand tall, don’t have to fall,

I can be the real me after all.

You make me whole, restore my soul,

You make me shine, so glad you’re mine.

Will you be my Valentine?

Love Always and Forever,

Alaina

Happy Mother's Day!

Mother's Day Poem by Helen Steiner Rice

It takes a Mother's Love 
To make a house a home,

A place to be remembered, 
No matter where we roam.

It takes a Mother's Patience, 
To bring a child up right,

And her Courage and her Cheerfulness 
To make a dark day bright.

It takes a Mother's Thoughtfulness 
To mend the heart's deep "hurts,"

And her Skill and her Endurance 
To mend little socks and shirts.

It takes a Mother's Kindness 
To forgive us when we err,

To sympathize in trouble 
And bow her head in prayer.

It takes a Mother's Wisdom 
To recognize our needs

And to give us reassurance 
By her loving words and deeds.

It takes a Mother's Endless Faith, 
Her Confidence and Trust

To guide us through the pitfalls 
Of selfishness and lust.

And that is why in all this world 
There could not be another

Who could fulfill God's purpose 
As completely as a MOTHER! 

Happy Mother's Day to all of you mothers out there! 
I'm wishing you a day that makes you feel as special as you are!

My Daughter Rebecca

Mother's Heart

author unknown

I loved you from the very start

You stole my breath, embraced my heart.

Our life together has just begun

You're part of me my little one

 As mother with child, each day I grew

My mind was filled with thoughts of you

 I'd daydream of the things we'd share

Like late-night bottles and teddy bears

Like first steps and skinned knees,

Like bedtime stories and ABC's

 I thought of things you'd want to know,

Like how birds fly and flowers grow

 I thought of lessons I'd need to share,

Like standing tall and playing fair
 
When I first saw your precious face,
I prayed your life be touched with grace

  I thanked the angels from above,
And promised you unending love

Each night I lay you down to sleep,
I gently kiss your head and cheek

I count your little fingers and toes;
I memorize your eyes and nose

I linger at your nursery door,
Awed each day I love you more

 Through misty eyes, I dim the light,
I whisper, "I love you" every night

 I loved you from the very start,
You stole my breath, embraced my heart

As mother and child our journey's begin,
My heart's yours forever little one.

Thank you Rebecca for making me a mommy. It is the greatest joy of my life! I love you!