Thursday, May 12, 2011
I Spoke Too Soon
Guess I'm not quite out of the woods like I had hoped and even assumed. One of my last posts I mentioned I had stopped the Depression Cure program I was doing because I was feeling so much better I naively thought I was cured. I credited God for my miraculous change. I do believe God helped lift me out of the "dark place" as I call it, but I am not cured. I stopped taking my vitamins and reading my Bible for the past couple weeks and I am feeling some of those emotions creeping back in. I need to get back on my vitamins and my reading and praying. I guess I didn't realize that I would have to keep at it and incorporate these continually, instead of thinking of it as a quick fix. I read that most people with a history of depression continue to struggle with it over many years. So, it's a much deeper problem that I must continue to apply the things that work, even when I'm doing well, and not just when things are going poorly. I don't know what it is that I reach out to God when I've exhausted everything in my power that has not worked, I go to Him as my last resort because I know He can fix everything, and then He does, and I thank Him, but I just go along on my merry way doing things the way I want. I need to learn to go to Him even when things are good. I also noticed my patience is wearing thin at home with my husband and daughter. My husband is never home, and when he is he's in the middle of projects that he's working on. My daughter is going through a really difficult time...I know now why it is called the terrible two's because they really are awful. She is so highly energetic, she lacks focus and cannot keep still. She is stubborn and gaining more and more independence and defiance with each day. I am simply not used to such a strong personality, and it is difficult for me who is more passive and quiet and low key to keep up with her. She wears me out so quickly. I need to not have such a short fuse with her, she is just learning and I am the one to teach her how to be. I can't get upset and frustrated just because things aren't the way I want them to be, I need to just deal with what the reality is and find a way to come up to her level instead of trying to pull her down to mine.