Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Stop the Noise

Not sure what's happening lately, but I am growing weak and tired and frazzled. I am not sleeping well and my patience is running dry. I can't think straight because there is so much noise. Noise of the tv always on, which was once comforting in keeping me company and not feeling lonely, but now has become a nuisance....everything, and I mean everything annoys me...the neighbors and loud vehicles outside, the phone ringing, the dog barking......but the most disturbing noise of them all....the noise that won't stop....the noise that bothers me more than anything...brace yourselves because this isn't's the sound of my daughter's voice never ceasing. I know, I know, but I can't help it. It's overwhelming me. So many people have it so much harder than me, but having a two year old is just running my resources dry. She went 5 hours straight talking without a break (that's right...I know what I typed), all the while in a voice that is about 10 decibels louder than I am comfortable with. She isn't a child that stays still and quietly watches a movie or playing with her toys...she has to be entertained at all times and can't be still, she has to be moving and running around and goes from one thing to the next out of boredom. What has happened here? I loved being a stay at home mom when she was an infant and didn't talk and didn't walk. It was controlled and managed. Am I not cut out for this? Do I not have enough patience for this? I long for the day when she can be more independent...go to the bathroom herself, feed herself, play by herself, so I can go back to doing my own thing. I mean, how selfish is that? I've been told so many times that I'm gonna miss this time. When she goes to school and doesn't need me anymore I will miss the days where I am wrapped around her finger and am her whole world. I just don't feel that way right now. Maybe I need to ask God to change my heart. A lot of times I feel like a single parent on my own. Eric works nights so he sleeps in late and then sometimes he goes running before work, so really he only has a couple hours to help me during the day and he's usually doing his own thing..either with the computer or the truck or the tv. I need more breaks I think. We don't have family or friends around that we trust yet to babysit Becca, so I don't get any breaks except for when we visit one of our parents who help out sometimes in watching Becca. I just feel like a well run dry, or a car running on empty. I don't feel depressed or sad, because I have much to be thankful for and am past hating myself. I have gained a lot of acceptance of who I am and am still in that process, I just feel a bit maxed out. There is just no balance in my life. It's hard sometimes being a military wife. And I struggle with adapting to my situations. It comes very difficult for me and it takes me a long time. Maybe it's a time management problem. If I utilize my time better when Becca is asleep, I can make the time to focus on me instead of filling it with things that need to be done. I feel I've been neglecting myself and my own needs to serve everyone else's. Like when you don't eat for days and your system shuts down and you grow weak and tired and lack energy...that's how I feel. Something's gotta change around here.


  1. don't feel selfish hun, it happens to most of us from time to time we just aren't brave enough to admit it. Being a SAHM is hard and a lot of the time we don't get credit for it because people don't realize that though it may not be physically strenuous it is definitely emotionally strenuous. Have you looked into mom's day out programs in your area? i know its hard i have been there too and i feel so bad for feeling that way at times but it just comes with the role. True we will miss these days but that doesn't mean it doesn't take its toll on us at times. hang in there hun feel free to email me anytime if you need to vent or someone to listen ((hugs))

  2. HI.
    Im Zuraini, from Malaysia. I love blogwalking.. that's why i'm here.

    Just to say that being a stay at home mom is hard. But, please appreciate your time because you can raise her on your own. Me, myself working as an account executive in one of the oil and gas company. Being so busy in some period, i really don't have time with my 2 years old daughter. I cried in the office, because i want to be at home, but works holding me back. I wish i were a SAHM. I wish i were you.

    I also wish i have more time for myself.

    I would suggest you find things that you love, and stick to it.. may be activities that you can share with Becca. She would love it.

    Honestly, i feel so jealous. Simply because you have something that i can't buy or easily get. That is "time".I hope you fill it with happiness. HUGS WITH LOVES..


  3. Oh hun honestly I know exactly how you feel. I felt that way for years. I think you need to open yourself to your husband. And stop trying to be the perfect wife and mommy. Bring fun back into your life. Play with your daughter. I tried too hard to be what everyone expected that I totally lost myself and now it's too late for me to fix it. Bring the light back into your life :) You can do it!

  4. I completely get what you are saying. Even though we recognize how lucky we are to be able to spend this time with the kid(s) it doesn't mean it's EASY! There are only so many arguments you can settle, toys you can stub your toe on and spilled grape juice to clean up before things start boiling over.

    Compounded with the "life-altering" decisions you spoke of and I think you deserve a nice long massage with a giant cup of tea and soothing music in the background.

    I hope things quiet down soon. You'll get through this, we are all rooting for ya.

  5. Dear Laina,

    My name is joseph Oneto, I am the executive VP of a non-profit called PRO VS GI JOE. We service deployed men and women all over the world by pitting them up against professional athletes, politicians, and entertainers via on-line gaming events, along with the only sustainable rehab program for permanently disabled veterans returning from overseas.
    Through the past four years of servicing the military and working overseas with them in Kuwait, I have come to believe that our victory is assured at home. In other words, it is the stability of the home-front while the soldier is being deployed that makes us victorious. I follow military blog posts in order to identify problems and create programs that may alleviate such issues on the battlefield and the home-front.
    I was hoping that you might contact me and share some of what you believe to be the most important issues you faced while your husband was deployed. I believe that your experiences can be used to help other families during the most uncertain of times.
    My email is

    Thank you,
    Joseph Oneto

  6. From one Navy wife to another....I know exactly how you feel. The lonely times, the frustration of children who just won't sit still, believe me when I say I know how it is. I am a wife of a Navy man, a mother of four of God's beautiful children and although I love every moment of it....... it is hard, it's frustrating, feeling like no one is there for you when you need them, having no time for yourself. I understand your "selfish" feelings, there is nothing selfish about needing a little time for yourself. Life is stressful and live as a military wife is so much harder than life should be. I have a window decal on all of my cars that say "Navy Wife toughest job in the Navy". If you ever need to talk, I am here for you. I do not know you, but I do know that you are a strong, incredible woman, mother, and wife. You need time to yourself. When your husband is home tell him that you need to go out, you have to have some time for you. You can't burn your candle at both ends. To properly be there for yourself, your husband and your beautiful daughter you need to be strong and not frazzled. Take an hour, go for a walk, enjoy fresh air, let your husband look after your daughter, have your time alone, you deserve it.