I have lots of friends. But how many of them are the tried and true friends that I long for? We share fond memories together and our friendship is timeless, in that, no matter how big of a time gap there is between communication, our next encounter we pick up right where we left off, as if nothing has changed. The only difference is that during the peak of our friendship we were young and dealt with high school issues, now we have more layers to our lives....a husband, children, greater responsibilities, etc. So, I say to you friend:
Why have I not heard from you? Our friendship has to stop just because I've moved away? Am I not worth keeping in touch with? I don't understand. When I needed a friend the most, none of you were there. It isn't your fault though, because I kept my feelings to myself as always, so how could you know I needed a friend? My darkest hours in life I talked with you of superficial "how've you been's" and "what's new?". Never did you know the depth of sadness that was behind my voice.
And we all have these conversations with long lost friends..."how are you?" But do we really want to know? Are you really bold enough to say the truth? That things aren't great, that you're not doing well. What you're really thinking is, "I don't want to air out my dirty laundry".....to a friend? That's what they're there for aren't they? Because when I ask these questions, I really want to know. I consider myself a really good friend, but maybe I'm not as good as I think I am, because it's so easy for everyone to go on with their lives without me being a part of theirs. Maybe my expectations are too high? Maybe I'm too "friend needy"?
I have harbored a bit of bitterness in my heart towards many of my friends. I've been angry that they are so busy with their own lives not to look outside beyond their circle and extend themselves to others. Maybe they do extend themselves, just not to me. Maybe I'm the ousider. This makes me doubt my self-worth and causes my self-esteem to become non-existent. And when you see the bitterness, and then a bit deeper you see the anger, dig much deeper and you will find the root of it.....the hurt, the disappointment knowing that these friends are capable of better. Well, here is some news for you.....no more! I released these bad feelings. During my darkest hours, I find that there is one who I can ALWAYS count on and is ALWAYS dependable. God above. I find comfort in Him. With tears pouring out, I got down on my knees and I let go of this weight that I've carried for years, yes years, and I feel peace as He washes those toxins away and cleanses my soul. I forgave everyone, even though they weren't even aware they hurt me. It is not a crime to live their own lives, especially if they don't help someone they aren't aware needs help. And to my friends who have hurt me, I don't cut you out of my life, I am still thankful to know you and I cherish the wonderful memories we have. I am learning to be content with the new phase of friendship we have.
So I say to you bloggers...don't become so self-consumed in your own lives that you overlook someone who might be in need of a friend. It may not appear that way on the outside, but you never know. Call a friend who has been on your mind, but you haven't "gotten around" to calling or emailing or writing them. Isolation and loneliness are powerful and dangerous things. Make the time to reach out to someone.