Monday, June 14, 2010

Friendships

I have lots of friends. But how many of them are the tried and true friends that I long for? We share fond memories together and our friendship is timeless, in that, no matter how big of a time gap there is between communication, our next encounter we pick up right where we left off, as if nothing has changed. The only difference is that during the peak of our friendship we were young and dealt with high school issues, now we have more layers to our lives....a husband, children, greater responsibilities, etc. So, I say to you friend:
Why have I not heard from you? Our friendship has to stop just because I've moved away? Am I not worth keeping in touch with? I don't understand. When I needed a friend the most, none of you were there. It isn't your fault though, because I kept my feelings to myself as always, so how could you know I needed a friend? My darkest hours in life I talked with you of superficial "how've you been's" and "what's new?". Never did you know the depth of sadness that was behind my voice.
And we all have these conversations with long lost friends..."how are you?" But do we really want to know? Are you really bold enough to say the truth? That things aren't great, that you're not doing well. What you're really thinking is, "I don't want to air out my dirty laundry".....to a friend? That's what they're there for aren't they? Because when I ask these questions, I really want to know. I consider myself a really good friend, but maybe I'm not as good as I think I am, because it's so easy for everyone to go on with their lives without me being a part of theirs. Maybe my expectations are too high? Maybe I'm too "friend needy"?
I have harbored a bit of bitterness in my heart towards many of my friends. I've been angry that they are so busy with their own lives not to look outside beyond their circle and extend themselves to others. Maybe they do extend themselves, just not to me. Maybe I'm the ousider. This makes me doubt my self-worth and causes my self-esteem to become non-existent. And when you see the bitterness, and then a bit deeper you see the anger, dig much deeper and you will find the root of it.....the hurt, the disappointment knowing that these friends are capable of better. Well, here is some news for you.....no more! I released these bad feelings. During my darkest hours, I find that there is one who I can ALWAYS count on and is ALWAYS dependable. God above. I find comfort in Him. With tears pouring out, I got down on my knees and I let go of this weight that I've carried for years, yes years, and I feel peace as He washes those toxins away and cleanses my soul. I forgave everyone, even though they weren't even aware they hurt me. It is not a crime to live their own lives, especially if they don't help someone they aren't aware needs help. And to my friends who have hurt me, I don't cut you out of my life, I am still thankful to know you and I cherish the wonderful memories we have. I am learning to be content with the new phase of friendship we have. 
So I say to you bloggers...don't become so self-consumed in your own lives that you overlook someone who might be in need of a friend. It may not appear that way on the outside, but you never know. Call a friend who has been on your mind, but you haven't "gotten around" to calling or emailing or writing them. Isolation and loneliness are powerful and dangerous things. Make the time to reach out to someone.

8 comments:

  1. Hi Laina, this is such a beautiful, courageous post. I love your honesty, and I can so relate to you. It's great you released the feelings that stop you from living the life God intended! Your post is making me reflect about my own life and friendships. Thank you for sharing deeply & transparently, it touched me today.

    Now following you! Come visit with me at http://jinnialow.com

    Hugs,
    Jinnia

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Laina - some serious writing today on a seriously thought provoking topic which you have handled with great skill. People do really get caught up in life, so much so that even the most loved of old friends, if far away, get forgotten and if you don't know someone needs you you might not think to check in with them so much. True friends for me are the ones who, if you say you need them, will drop anything and everything to be there for you. But still, they need to know you need them to do that. So I am glad you have come to terms with what happened and no longer feel the hurt and can forgive and forget.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Very beautiful post. I have a good friend and every time we try to get together, one of our kids gets sick. I will email her today!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Excellent post! I have been there before.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I gave you an award! Go check it out. :)

    Jenny
    http://babblingsofamommy.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. I swear I've been struggling with this for the past week. Well longer but it's been more so on my mind lately only because "friends" have been making demands on my time. What bothers me is they aren't really considerate of the fact that I do now have children. Not just 1 but 3. And because I am a military spouse, I can't always expect that my hubby will be home to watch them. And I can't leave them with a GF to go out late at night. That would be inconsiderate of me. So frustrating!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thank you so much. I enjoyed this post and I'm taking it to heart. We are set to transfer yet again in a little over a month and I'm dreading the "good-byes" that are coming in the next few weeks. I've been a Navy Wife for 20 years and this part never gets any easier. I'll definitely take time to give my wonderful friends a proper good-bye.
    Be Blessed!

    ReplyDelete