Birthday Wishes

Yesterday was my 28th birthday. Do I feel older? Yes. But not in a bad way. I am truly happy about where I am in my life right now. Last year was actually a terrible year for me, personally. I was very lonely and sad and unhappy with myself. Avoiding mirrors and hating what I saw in the reflection. The past six months I have been doing some soul-searching. Looking deep within and asking myself the hard questions. The big questions. I have been living my life day by day just to get by. Not really enjoying the life I have. I truly believe there is a lot more within me to explore. I want to be the best person I can be and not settle for mediocre. I want to challenge myself, learn new things and explore new opportunities. I am a quiet person and afraid of change, yet I complain that there is no excitement in my life. I want to be happy and confident in who I am and feel whole as a person. I am not there yet, but I am getting closer. My life is a good one, but what am I doing with it? My life could be taken away from me at any moment, so how come I'm not living to the fullest? I hope this next year brings new changes to me. I don't wish for things, I wish for personal growth. I am learning just how wonderful being a wife and mother truly is. Looking beyond the housework, and the sleep deprivation, and the responsibilities, to what really matters. Having a spouse who sees all the good in me, who loves me with all my flaws and out of all the women he has or hasn't met, has chosen me to spend the rest of his life with. Having a daughter who lights up my world and can melt my heart with a single smile, who depends on me to teach her how to live her life. I am blessed with wonderful family and friends who have very good lives. I want to embrace what is good in my life instead of focusing so much on what is not. Because there is so much more good than bad. Our attitude and our choices are what makes up our lives. I am focusing on my strengths and good qualities and trying to find opportunities to put them to good use. And my weaknesses I can choose to try to improve on but realize that I am not perfect, no one is. Another thing I am learning is to stop worrying so much about what everyone thinks of me. Sometimes I feel I live my life according to how everyone I know lives or how they expect me to live instead of making my own choices and finding out what I want out of my life. And most of all, the important thing that exceeds everything I've been learning on my path to self-discovery, is that I need God to direct my life because I suck at it. The older I get, the more I try to control everything, but I find that it only leads to dead-ends. Nothing but God can bring the satisfaction and fulfillment and inner peace and joy that is lacking in my life. He knows exactly all the things I am searching for, and He can lead me to the answers, He is just waiting for me to let go and ask Him for direction. Thank goodness He never gives up on me and is always there. Continues to love me even when I turn my back on Him out of selfishness and laziness. I look ahead to the next year with open-mindedness. Thankful for the struggles I've been through that has led me to who I am today. To become a complete puzzle, you need every single one of those pieces, both smooth and rough. I choose to believe my best days are still ahead of me and I have much to look forward to :)